1
00:00:03,102 --> 00:00:05,103
[♪]

2
00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:20,745
[groaning]

3
00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:24,749
[wailing]

4
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,486
[sobbing]

5
00:01:28,487 --> 00:01:29,954
What's wrong
with daddy?

6
00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:32,790
Ah, he's just
payin' bills.

7
00:01:32,791 --> 00:01:35,560
Nothin' to concern us.

8
00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:37,228
Just be happy he's
not banging his head

9
00:01:37,229 --> 00:01:38,630
Against the table.

10
00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:41,232
[banging]

11
00:01:43,736 --> 00:01:47,171
Well, I'm signing now, lord.

12
00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:50,509
Please just smite me
before I get to the y in bundy.

13
00:01:51,343 --> 00:01:53,811
Oh, give me
that pen.

14
00:01:53,812 --> 00:01:55,246
"bundy."

15
00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:59,684
Heh. Yet another thing
you start that I finish.

16
00:02:00,852 --> 00:02:02,887
Well, now that
that's done,

17
00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:04,689
How 'bout taking us
to the movies?

18
00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:05,824
Well, perhaps you were fooled

19
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:09,861
By the opulent luxury
of our home.

20
00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:11,897
You see, believe it or not,
we're broke.

21
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,765
Now, I know I've said
we're broke before,

22
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:17,536
And you've all been
very brave and spent anyway,

23
00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:20,005
But it's really time
to tighten our belts.

24
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,373
Now, peg, what can you
do without?

25
00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,209
Apparently an orgasm.

26
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,078
[both laughing]

27
00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:28,480
Heh.

28
00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:32,550
Way to get one.

29
00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,321
Kelly, and you?

30
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,491
Well, I think that we all
could do without war, daddy.

31
00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:44,094
Now do you think you
should have gained
more than five pounds

32
00:02:44,095 --> 00:02:47,165
When you were pregnant
with her?

33
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,134
Now, there must be
somebody around here

34
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,236
That can think of some way
to save money.

35
00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,637
Hey, dad, I got my license.

36
00:02:53,638 --> 00:02:55,774
Can I have a new car?

37
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:57,442
Daddy's broke.

38
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,810
You're gonna have
to ask mommy

39
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,578
To get one for you.

40
00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:02,313
Mommy, can I have a new car?

41
00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:03,581
Sure you can.

42
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,585
Oh, what the hell,
new cars for everyone.

43
00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:09,454
That's wonderful!
[chattering indistinctly]

44
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:12,790
Quiet,
you morons!

45
00:03:12,791 --> 00:03:14,993
There's gonna be no new cars
and no new drivers.

46
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,795
I already can't
afford insurance,

47
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:19,064
What with kelly here
and the u-turn queen.

48
00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:25,537
You know, it's not my fault
that they always put the sales

49
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,905
On the other side
of the street.

50
00:03:27,906 --> 00:03:30,341
Dad, all my friends
are driving.

51
00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:32,410
Well, if all your friends
were getting married,

52
00:03:32,411 --> 00:03:35,045
Would you do that too?

53
00:03:35,046 --> 00:03:36,113
Look, forget a car.

54
00:03:36,114 --> 00:03:37,382
There's no reason
to take one

55
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,217
When you can take
a perfectly good bus.

56
00:03:41,687 --> 00:03:43,588
Oh, yeah. I'd look
real cool picking up

57
00:03:43,589 --> 00:03:46,624
That special date
in the old bus.

58
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:48,192
Hey, you know what
all the guys say:

59
00:03:48,193 --> 00:03:51,429
"for a handful of girl,
give the bus a whirl."

60
00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:00,671
Oh, come on, al.

61
00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:02,540
You were worried
about kelly driving,

62
00:04:02,541 --> 00:04:03,774
And in the past year,

63
00:04:03,775 --> 00:04:06,544
She's only gotten
two or three tickets.

64
00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:09,613
And it would
have been four

65
00:04:09,614 --> 00:04:12,417
If I hadn't outran
those last cops.

66
00:04:13,518 --> 00:04:15,486
Yep, they were fast enough
to keep up with me

67
00:04:15,487 --> 00:04:17,555
Goin' the wrong way
on the expressway,

68
00:04:17,556 --> 00:04:22,060
But when it came time
to jump that drawbridge,

69
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:25,396
They just didn't have
the guts.

70
00:04:25,397 --> 00:04:27,065
Well, I guess that solves
the mystery

71
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,834
Of the bullet hole
in my gas tank.

72
00:04:30,735 --> 00:04:32,036
Look, bud,
how 'bout this?

73
00:04:32,037 --> 00:04:34,305
Whenever you want to go
someplace, I'll take you.

74
00:04:34,306 --> 00:04:35,773
Huh? It'll be fun.

75
00:04:35,774 --> 00:04:37,241
And that way
the skirts will think

76
00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:39,310
I'm just one
of your cool friends.

77
00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:41,479
Oh, yeah.

78
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,581
Then you could even have
a cool nickname,

79
00:04:43,582 --> 00:04:45,750
Like jowl boy.

80
00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:48,619
Son, let this be
a lesson to you.

81
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,121
Never do tequila shooters

82
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:52,657
Within a country mile
of a marriage chapel.

83
00:05:00,298 --> 00:05:01,432
[stomps]

84
00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:11,643
Fly.

85
00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:18,149
Tapeworm.

86
00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,955
<i>[oldies music playing outside]</i>

87
00:05:27,058 --> 00:05:28,426
What's that?

88
00:05:28,427 --> 00:05:30,695
Oh, that's dad's
car stereo.

89
00:05:30,696 --> 00:05:32,297
Since we've been
cruisin' together,

90
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,832
He let me fix it up
a little.

91
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,968
Fifteen-hundred watts
and no volume control.

92
00:05:37,969 --> 00:05:39,136
[music stops]

93
00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:41,706
With the right song,

94
00:05:41,707 --> 00:05:44,609
You can drop a bird
at a hundred yards.

95
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,010
Cool.

96
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:49,380
Hey, daddy, can I use
the car tonight?

97
00:05:49,381 --> 00:05:51,316
What?

98
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:53,150
What?

99
00:05:53,151 --> 00:05:55,386
Mom, daddy's
deaf again!

100
00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:57,922
Oh, I'll fix it.

101
00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:11,402
Is that your way
of telling me, uh,

102
00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:12,737
We're out of q-tips?

103
00:06:13,872 --> 00:06:15,907
Oh, honey, if it's good enough
for the toilet,

104
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:19,043
They're good enough
for you.

105
00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:20,478
So how was your day,
sweetie?

106
00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:21,679
Oh, fine.

107
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,114
Just me cruising around,
listening to the oldies channel

108
00:06:24,115 --> 00:06:26,151
At 1500 watts.

109
00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:29,153
Made a lot of new friends.

110
00:06:29,154 --> 00:06:32,423
Take, uh, officer lewis,
for example.

111
00:06:32,424 --> 00:06:35,493
Unfortunately, I couldn't hear
his siren at first, but luckily,

112
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:37,728
Police cars are now equipped
with rammers

113
00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:41,299
That gently ease me
into the rail.

114
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,800
Luckily, the cop liked oldies,

115
00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:44,201
So he beat me
with his nightstick

116
00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:46,303
To the tune of "hey jude."

117
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,275
Then he wrote me up 18 tickets.

118
00:06:51,276 --> 00:06:55,580
Including the one
for bleeding on his pad.

119
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:58,416
How was your day?

120
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,552
Quit whining, dad.

121
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:03,154
Put on the bon jovi hair,
and let's roll.

122
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,365
Gee, honey,

123
00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,067
You look like tarzan.

124
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:17,702
[chuckles]

125
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:19,971
If he was old and gay.

126
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:25,042
Well, peg,
if you were jane,

127
00:07:25,043 --> 00:07:27,111
Believe me,
he would be.

128
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,984
Come on, son.
Let's roll.

129
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,352
No way.

130
00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,020
The car's mine tonight.

131
00:07:36,021 --> 00:07:37,188
Come on, daddy.

132
00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:39,056
If not, I have to stand
on a street corner

133
00:07:39,057 --> 00:07:41,459
And listen to guys yell
insulting and degrading remarks

134
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,661
And make kissing sounds.

135
00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:46,764
I'm sorry, honey.
We didn't know that was you.

136
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:53,771
No, forget it, kel.

137
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,540
That car
is mine tonight.

138
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:56,640
Mine.
Mine!

139
00:07:56,641 --> 00:07:57,708
Mine!

140
00:07:57,709 --> 00:08:00,445
Now, that's enough,
devil dogs.

141
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,246
Now, I can't take
any more of this.

142
00:08:02,247 --> 00:08:03,814
I'm gonna get
car insurance for him,

143
00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:06,217
And you two can fight
over the car to the death.

144
00:08:12,724 --> 00:08:17,128
Hello. Jim's fish, chips
and insurance?

145
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,263
Al bundy here. Hi, jim.

146
00:08:19,264 --> 00:08:22,699
Uh, listen, how much to put
my son on my insurance?

147
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,435
How old? Um...

148
00:08:24,436 --> 00:08:25,703
Sixteen.

149
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:28,306
Uh, he's 16.

150
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,042
Whoa!

151
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,609
If you think
I'm gonna pay that much,

152
00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:36,047
You're as stupid as those cats
you trap and call "tuna."

153
00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:41,752
You know, when you insult
my wife, jim,

154
00:08:41,753 --> 00:08:43,687
You don't hurt me, pal.

155
00:08:47,592 --> 00:08:49,460
Well, what'd he say, al?

156
00:08:49,461 --> 00:08:51,596
Nothing I haven't said myself.

157
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,098
Now, look, jim,

158
00:08:54,099 --> 00:08:56,334
If that's the best you can do
for a lifetime friend

159
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:57,935
And someone who never told
the police

160
00:08:57,936 --> 00:08:59,604
What your "catch of the day"
really is,

161
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:01,805
Then you can just take
my insurance and stuff it.

162
00:09:01,806 --> 00:09:03,107
That's right, all of it!

163
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,243
There, family.

164
00:09:06,244 --> 00:09:08,346
Al bundy takes guff
from no one.

165
00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,615
All:
Cheap, cheap, cheap,
cheap, cheap, cheap...

166
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,383
All right, I'm going
to give you the keys.

167
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:13,651
Kelly:
It's mine.
Look out.

168
00:09:13,652 --> 00:09:14,919
Out of the way.
Give it to me.

169
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,020
Me! Me! Me!
Look out.
Me!

170
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:17,555
Look out.
Now, hold it!

171
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:18,889
Just remember:

172
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:20,891
The one who drives,
be very careful,

173
00:09:20,892 --> 00:09:22,759
Because as you know,
we don't have any car--

174
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:23,961
Give me those!
Look out.

175
00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,062
Now, hold it!

176
00:09:25,063 --> 00:09:27,131
Be very careful
because we don't have any--

177
00:09:27,132 --> 00:09:28,333
Ah, the hell...

178
00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:35,673
Well, at least
my pain is gone.

179
00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:38,008
Al?
Oops.

180
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:42,814
Honey, you know, I may just be
the wife of a moron,

181
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:45,216
But isn't canceling
our insurance

182
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,385
And giving the car keys
to two teenagers

183
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:48,820
The work of, well,

184
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:51,856
The dalai lama
of morons?

185
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,791
Peg, we don't
need insurance.

186
00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:55,059
Insurance
is like marriage:

187
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,161
You pay, pay, you never
get anything back.

188
00:09:57,162 --> 00:09:59,163
Besides-- besides,
the car isn't worth more

189
00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:02,099
Than 100 bucks
with both kids in it.

190
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,135
Peg, I'm a real hero.

191
00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:06,337
For once, there's
one man brave enough

192
00:10:06,338 --> 00:10:08,840
To stand up and say he doesn't
need any stinking car--

193
00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:10,041
[crash outside]

194
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,508
Oh!

195
00:10:14,046 --> 00:10:15,179
Is that my car?

196
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:17,148
Yeah.

197
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,515
Are the kids hurt?

198
00:10:18,516 --> 00:10:20,684
No. Whew.

199
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,155
Then I have
to do it myself.

200
00:10:33,565 --> 00:10:35,600
Gee, what a wreck.

201
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:38,536
A 500sl mercedes.

202
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:41,939
You had to hit
a $100,000 mercedes?

203
00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,140
You know, it's amazing.

204
00:10:43,141 --> 00:10:48,412
Your dodge, with the high
<i>blue book</i> value of $70,

205
00:10:48,413 --> 00:10:52,850
Sliced right through
that kraut car like toast.

206
00:10:52,851 --> 00:10:55,519
I'm tellin' you,
it is times like these

207
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,723
That I am proud
to be an american.

208
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:01,325
Oh. That's good, peg.

209
00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:03,027
Then it'll be your job
to make sure

210
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,929
Old glory is flying
high above our heads

211
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:07,565
As we wait in line
for free cheese.

212
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,634
Oh, how much could it cost
to fix it, huh?

213
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:13,237
A half a mil?

214
00:11:13,238 --> 00:11:14,438
And you know he's gonna sue.

215
00:11:14,439 --> 00:11:16,140
That's the problem
with america today.

216
00:11:16,141 --> 00:11:18,642
There's jerks out there
everywhere, suing for nothin'.

217
00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:19,944
He hit me, dad.

218
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,545
We're suing.

219
00:11:22,814 --> 00:11:25,883
Peg, get the kids
some neck braces.

220
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:27,752
But, daddy,
we weren't hurt.

221
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,154
Why can't you be more
like your brother? Huh?

222
00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:32,623
You don't hear him
whining he's not hurt.

223
00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:35,993
Al. Honey, you know
we can't win a lawsuit.

224
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:37,195
Why, ever since

225
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,397
<i>Bundy v. The girl scouts</i>
<i>of america,</i>

226
00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:43,968
When you claimed to have choked
on a bone in a butter cookie,

227
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,137
No judge has ever believed
a bundy.

228
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,572
Like I ever had
a chance.

229
00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:50,308
Peg, as god as my witness,
that judge's breath smelled

230
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,476
Of free chocolate mints.

231
00:11:52,477 --> 00:11:54,011
Let's face it, al.

232
00:11:54,012 --> 00:11:57,181
Our only chance is
if we had a reliable witness.

233
00:11:57,182 --> 00:11:58,048
[chuckling]
oh, god.

234
00:11:58,049 --> 00:11:59,617
You wanna hear something funny?

235
00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,819
This car phone was lying
by my house,

236
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:03,621
And a policeman came over
and asked me

237
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:05,155
Which car I thought
it came from:

238
00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:07,257
The mercedes or the dodge.

239
00:12:07,258 --> 00:12:08,893
[laughing]

240
00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:11,695
He thought
it could be yours.

241
00:12:11,696 --> 00:12:13,197
[laughs]

242
00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:16,934
Oh, a shoe salesman
with a car phone.

243
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,135
What's that?

244
00:12:18,136 --> 00:12:21,204
A woman across town
needs a 7 triple e?

245
00:12:21,205 --> 00:12:23,007
I'm on my way.

246
00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:24,408
[imitates car engine]

247
00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:25,676
[laughing]

248
00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:28,846
[sighing]
oh.

249
00:12:28,847 --> 00:12:31,048
Who would have thought
seeing an accident like that

250
00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:32,183
Would be
so much fun?

251
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,283
You saw it?

252
00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:35,119
Yeah. I saw the whole thing
from the car

253
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,954
While I was saying
good night to my date.

254
00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:39,356
Oh, al, a non-bundy
as a witness.

255
00:12:39,357 --> 00:12:40,791
They'll believe her.

256
00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,159
But, peg,
do you think a judge

257
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,461
Will believe that
she had a date?

258
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,266
Honey, we could
actually be rich.

259
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,502
All those years of pain
and suffering and--

260
00:12:51,503 --> 00:12:53,571
And the humiliation
of having people call me

261
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:55,772
"mrs. Bundy" to my face

262
00:12:55,773 --> 00:12:57,408
Are finally through.

263
00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:59,176
Oh, kids,
go to your sickbeds,

264
00:12:59,177 --> 00:13:02,046
For tomorrow,
we sue.

265
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:05,482
All:
Whoa, bundy!

266
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:06,951
Good night.
We're gonna be rich.

267
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,053
[chuckling]

268
00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:22,033
Another accident case?

269
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,401
Great.

270
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,903
I just hope it's not one
of those frivolous lawsuits.

271
00:13:25,904 --> 00:13:27,304
Al:
Make way. Make way.

272
00:13:27,305 --> 00:13:30,107
A crippled family
coming through.

273
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,117
Rum.

274
00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:50,561
The case
of <i>bundy v. Fitzwilley.</i>

275
00:13:50,562 --> 00:13:52,696
And dr. Fitzwilley
is suing the bundys

276
00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:54,498
For a million dollars.

277
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:56,967
The bundys are countersuing
for...

278
00:13:56,968 --> 00:14:00,037
A jillion dollars.

279
00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:05,776
In cash, your honor.

280
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,712
Mr. Bundy, before we begin,

281
00:14:08,713 --> 00:14:11,549
Could you tell me why your wife
is wearing a neck brace

282
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:14,118
When she wasn't involved
in the accident?

283
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:15,852
Uh, let me answer that,
your honor.

284
00:14:15,853 --> 00:14:19,423
You see,
it's sex whiplash.

285
00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:21,658
But it is accident-related.

286
00:14:21,659 --> 00:14:23,894
You see, my husband
got so excited

287
00:14:23,895 --> 00:14:25,295
Over this jillion dollars

288
00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:27,531
That he, uh, just
lost control of himself

289
00:14:27,532 --> 00:14:28,732
Last night in bed.

290
00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:30,267
[chuckling]

291
00:14:30,268 --> 00:14:31,468
[sighing]
ah.

292
00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:34,371
He kind of caught me
off guard. Heh-heh.

293
00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:37,841
He moved. Heh.

294
00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:47,151
Mr. Bundy,
opening statement?

295
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:49,753
Thank you, your honor.

296
00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:52,022
And may I add that it's nice
to see a woman in a robe

297
00:14:52,023 --> 00:14:55,993
Who's not wearing fuzzy slippers
and a bag of doritos in her lap.

298
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:00,498
And now--
[clears throat]

299
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,200
--On to the lawsuit.

300
00:15:03,201 --> 00:15:07,838
While carrying canned goods
to their local church group,

301
00:15:07,839 --> 00:15:09,073
My beloved children,

302
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:13,877
Bud and, uh...
The girl,

303
00:15:13,878 --> 00:15:16,246
Had their futures
maliciously torn asunder

304
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:19,683
By the merciless destruction
of an aryan super-car.

305
00:15:19,684 --> 00:15:20,718
This, your honor,

306
00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:23,788
Is the nightmare
of your unified germany.

307
00:15:24,622 --> 00:15:26,256
Thanks to my witness,

308
00:15:26,257 --> 00:15:29,960
A professional banker
and brother woman,

309
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:31,628
We plan to prove

310
00:15:31,629 --> 00:15:33,831
That we deserve
a jillion dollars

311
00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:35,398
In cash,

312
00:15:35,399 --> 00:15:40,303
And we humbly await
your decision.

313
00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:41,605
So, mrs. Rhoades,

314
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:43,907
You say you witnessed
the accident.

315
00:15:43,908 --> 00:15:45,209
Yes, I did.
Mm-hm.

316
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,677
And where were you?

317
00:15:46,678 --> 00:15:47,745
In my driveway.

318
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,647
I was saying good night
to my date in his car.

319
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,081
Mm-hm. And could you describe

320
00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:52,483
How you saw the accident?

321
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,786
Well, we picked
our heads up, and we--

322
00:15:55,787 --> 00:15:57,887
Picked your heads up.

323
00:15:57,888 --> 00:16:00,157
Where were your heads
that you picked them up?

324
00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:02,193
Well...

325
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,461
Down.

326
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:07,031
Hey, I know
what you're thinking.

327
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:10,001
But let me set you straight.
It was not our first date.

328
00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:13,170
And I would like
the record to show

329
00:16:13,171 --> 00:16:14,572
That he bought me
dinner first,

330
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:17,908
And he called me
the next day.

331
00:16:17,909 --> 00:16:20,443
And who are you to judge me?

332
00:16:27,184 --> 00:16:29,520
You know what it's like
out there in the dating world,

333
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:31,822
Being smarter than the man
but being unable to show it?

334
00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:34,425
Where is the harm?
Where is the harm?

335
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:35,693
So, mrs. Rhoades,

336
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:38,162
You didn't really see
who was at fault, did you?

337
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,697
No.

338
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,832
But the mercedes had to be.

339
00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:43,801
My ex-husband drove a mercedes.

340
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:47,204
You may step down,
mrs. Rhoades.

341
00:16:47,205 --> 00:16:48,872
He left me like
the parsley on a plate

342
00:16:48,873 --> 00:16:52,108
At a truck-stop diner.

343
00:16:52,109 --> 00:16:54,645
He loved that damn car
more than he loved me.

344
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:55,613
Bailiff.

345
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:57,247
They have to stop making
those cars,

346
00:16:57,248 --> 00:16:58,315
Don't you see?

347
00:16:58,316 --> 00:17:00,317
They're evil.
They tell the man:

348
00:17:00,318 --> 00:17:01,485
"you don't need a wife.

349
00:17:01,486 --> 00:17:02,586
"you're a cool guy.

350
00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:04,221
Look at that teenager
over there."

351
00:17:04,222 --> 00:17:06,157
It's not the men.
It's the cars.

352
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,624
I'm warning you,
america,

353
00:17:07,625 --> 00:17:09,693
Keep your husbands
out of german cars!

354
00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:11,629
Ask me what
<i>fahrvergnügen</i> means!

355
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,397
I'll tell you! I--

356
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,504
So, miss bundy,

357
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:23,207
The accident cost you
your sight?

358
00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:32,449
Yes. I am blind
like the mighty oak.

359
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,152
Miss bundy,

360
00:17:35,153 --> 00:17:37,454
How many fingers
am I holding up?

361
00:17:37,455 --> 00:17:39,957
Oh, you're not gonna
catch me with that one.

362
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,391
I'm blind.

363
00:17:41,392 --> 00:17:43,560
[scoffs]

364
00:17:43,561 --> 00:17:45,229
All right.
[clears throat]

365
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,064
Would you please
point out the man

366
00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:49,733
Who hit your car
and blinded you?

367
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:52,903
Sure. It is that guy
right there with the gray suit

368
00:17:52,904 --> 00:17:55,673
And the little band-aid
on his head.

369
00:18:00,478 --> 00:18:02,546
You may step down.

370
00:18:09,987 --> 00:18:11,555
Mr. Bundy--

371
00:18:11,556 --> 00:18:15,225
Uh, please, uh,
just call me big b.

372
00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:17,828
No.

373
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:22,299
Mr. Bundy, I bet
you're a good driver.

374
00:18:23,401 --> 00:18:26,136
Ninety-eight
on the written test, babe.

375
00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:28,205
My boy's
a winner, peg.

376
00:18:28,206 --> 00:18:31,174
Not like your girl.

377
00:18:31,175 --> 00:18:34,511
Brush your teeth,
honey.

378
00:18:34,512 --> 00:18:38,281
Now, you're
a fine young man. Hm.

379
00:18:40,485 --> 00:18:41,985
Do you know what they do

380
00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:45,289
To fine young men
in the big house?

381
00:18:47,592 --> 00:18:51,495
That's right, big b.

382
00:18:51,496 --> 00:18:54,998
And that's where you're headed
if you perjure yourself.

383
00:18:54,999 --> 00:18:57,768
So I ask you one time
and one time only:

384
00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:00,938
How did this accident occur?

385
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:02,373
We were playing eyesies-closies,

386
00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:04,841
And my sister put her hands
over my eyes and I couldn't see,

387
00:19:04,842 --> 00:19:07,645
And I hit the gas,
and I heard a terrible crash.

388
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,215
But the part about us being hurt
was the idea of that man.

389
00:19:15,453 --> 00:19:16,687
[sobbing]

390
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,689
[sighs]

391
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:20,424
Come on, al.

392
00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:23,794
Ya only owe $50,000.

393
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:27,331
And you have a whole month
to pay it off.

394
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,132
Now, show some gumption.

395
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,668
You know what we say back home
in wanker county?

396
00:19:31,669 --> 00:19:35,205
"nothin' spells lovin'
like marryin' your cousin"?

397
00:19:37,975 --> 00:19:39,108
No.

398
00:19:39,109 --> 00:19:41,511
When times are tough,
we pull together.

399
00:19:41,512 --> 00:19:42,746
So I'll tell you what,

400
00:19:42,747 --> 00:19:44,815
Bud and kelly and I
are gonna go to the movies

401
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,817
And leave you alone
to think in peace.

402
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,919
Come on, kids.

403
00:19:50,388 --> 00:19:52,223
Dad,

404
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:56,293
I can't help but feel somehow
responsible for this.

405
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:00,497
Aw, son, come here

406
00:20:00,498 --> 00:20:03,200
And let me choke you
till you feel better.

407
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,337
Well, you're not mad at me,
are you, daddy?

408
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:07,871
No, pumpkin.
[chuckles]

409
00:20:07,872 --> 00:20:10,641
How many fists
am I holdin' up?

410
00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:13,877
Oh, don't worry, al.

411
00:20:13,878 --> 00:20:15,745
We'll all pitch in
and help.

412
00:20:15,746 --> 00:20:17,614
Why, bud can
sell newspapers,

413
00:20:17,615 --> 00:20:19,616
And kelly can, uh,

414
00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:22,453
Twirl around
till she gets dizzy.

415
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,989
And I can play
my accordion at parties.

416
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,190
And then all
you have to do

417
00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,658
Is come up with
the rest of the 50,000.

418
00:20:28,659 --> 00:20:30,527
You know, I really think
this is gonna bring

419
00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:31,996
Our family
much closer together.

420
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:33,430
Mm-hm.
Come on.

421
00:20:33,431 --> 00:20:35,299
Mom, do I really have
to sell newspapers?

422
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,601
No. I was just
sayin' that.

423
00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:44,207
Fifty-thousand dollars.

424
00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:46,076
Thirty days.

425
00:20:49,914 --> 00:20:51,949
Well, you know what they say.

426
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:55,318
When the going gets tough,

427
00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:58,522
The tough runs like a thief
in the night.

428
00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:03,127
Goodbye, al bundy.

429
00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:06,997
Hello to the mysterious stranger
in a logging camp.

430
00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:09,933
See you on the other side, boy.

431
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,635
[whines]

432
00:21:11,636 --> 00:21:15,205
Well, a loggin' man needs
a loggin' dog.

433
00:21:15,206 --> 00:21:16,273
Come on, boy!

434
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,141
♪ north to alaska ♪

435
00:21:18,142 --> 00:21:20,310
♪ where north
the rush is on ♪

436
00:21:20,311 --> 00:21:22,512
♪ go north to alaska ♪

437
00:21:22,513 --> 00:21:24,214
♪ way north to-- ♪
[tires screeching]

438
00:21:24,215 --> 00:21:25,915
[thud]
al: Unh!

439
00:22:00,985 --> 00:22:02,853
[growling]

440
00:22:40,258 --> 00:22:41,958
[♪]